Stuck is one of life’s difficult situations. Unlike a maths homework problem, being stuck can be debilitating, anxiety-provoking and frustrating. You could be stuck about relationship or work situation. The feeling of everything you try does not help but just makes you feel more stuck.
The Collins English Dictionary online defines “stuck” as “If you are stuck in a boring or unpleasant situation, you are unable to change it or get away from it” and “If something is stuck at a particular level or stage, it is not progressing or changing”. However, in my experience it is clients thinking patterns that keep them stuck not the situation.
Types of Thinking Keeping You Stuck
There are two types of thinking. Habitual thinking is automated, executive thinking is not. Brains love conserving energy (ie lazy), avoiding pain and finding as much pleasure (i.e. dopamine) as it can. Hence the brain will use habitual thinking as much as it can as it uses less energy. Activities such as getting dressed or driving to work, ( have you ever arrived at your destination and not remembered how you got there?). Habitual thinking is fast and often goes unnoticed by us. Whereas executive thinking takes a second or two before you have the answer. Habitual thinking is automatic so that your brain can save energy. I like to think that this thinking has a “well formed groove” in the brain so that the thought can move from start to finish at lightening speed.
Executive thinking takes energy – a lot of energy. It needs activation, processing, and memory to accomplish even the simplest task. New pathways in the brain need to be activated to get to the answer and it takes time to do so. Hence maths problems take time and a lot of energy to get to the answer. The same is true if you are giving someone directions, deciding what to wear or working out what career path you would like to take.
Stages of Change
The Stages of Change is a model to help healthcare professionals help patients stop habitual behaviours that are detrimental to health e.g. cigarette smoking.
The most important stages I have found from clients and patients is the pre-contemplation and contemplation stages. Precontemplation is the stage at which there is no intention to change behaviour in the foreseeable future. Many individuals in this stage are unaware or under-aware of their problems. With cigarette smoking that looks like getting the urge to smoke, lighting up and smoking a cigarette.
Contemplation is the stage in which people are aware that a problem exists and are seriously thinking about overcoming it but have not yet made a commitment to take action. For example realising that cigarette smoking is not good for you. This is where habitual thinking comes in. In order to make a change one must move from pre-contemplation to contemplation. The habitual thinking causing habitual behaviour(s) needs a spotlight shining on it. This allows us to see the lazy way our brain keeps us doing the same things over and over again. Keeping us stuck. Once we are aware of this thinking – then what?
Executive Thinking- The Way Out Of Stuck.
The next stage, contemplation needs executive thinking. It is this stage that needs energy to work out what the next steps will be. This can overcome the issue. It can overcome the “stuck”. This is also where the habitual thinking can come whispering in and take you back to the pre-contemplative stage. It says “come on one cigarette will not hurt while you are figuring this out and besides it helps me to think” .
What Is The Answer?
When working with clients, coaching can help uncover the habitual thoughts that keep us stuck. It can help work out what next steps could be for that client. Each of the next steps are as individual as each client, even if the situation seems identical.
So I would challenge the dictionary definition of “If you are stuck in a boring or unpleasant situation, you are unable to change it or get away from it”. From working with clients I know that these situations can change. They just need support and feedback to find the habitual thoughts and reveal the next steps. Just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz – she had the power to get home from the very beginning (https://youtu.be/ooM-RGUTe2E). Dorothy was not stuck in Oz at all! You also have the power within you. You may need a bit of help to get unstuck. . A coach can help shine that light on your thoughts with you (and I do not have a sparkly pink dress and wand- more’s the pity!).
Come and have a discovery call at The Professionals Coach and see how I can help you become unstuck and get you home.