Don’t make this mistake in a relationship.

It always happens this way.

Its a dance we go through every time he comes into the kitchen…

And then we argue.

I go into the kitchen and I start making food. Let’s be honest, I am no cook and its my least favourite domestic job. But as with most people, I just get on with it. I get all the pans and utensils out along with the ingredients. I put the hob on and start warming up the oil.

As if by magic, he appears. He could have been in the attic or at the bottom of our tiny garden. But just as a genie will appear when you rub the lamp- my husband appears out of thin air.

And then it begins….

He then starts to move towards the hob and by some shimmy move that I have not quite fathomed, he moves me out of the way with “can I help?”. There is no stopping him then. A frenzied half hour to an hour of using most of pans, bowls, wooden spoons we own and he produces the most scrummy food.

Yes I should be happy and eternally grateful that myself and the children get to eat good home-cooked food. No burnt offerings or tasteless concoctions that I would have produced. My mother marvels at this every-time we are at her home. She is in awe of this cooking genius that is my husband and wished my father did the same. He serves the food to her chorus of “You are so lucky”. I am very lucky and I know that, intellectually.

But I take a different view. As soon as I am shimmied away I feel belittled and that I am a rubbish mother. I cannot cook and therefore I am not fit to make food.

I think, he thinks I am only fit to clear up. My job is to clean surfaces, wash up pans to be reused to allow the cooking maestro to complete his task. I load the dishwasher and do the “rubbish” jobs. Apparently, dishwasher loading is a subject of arguments in other households Dishwasher-Loading Arguments are Common for a Reason – Intellectual Takeout. Not in mine as its only me that does it (well while the cooking is going on!).

Inevitably, these thoughts leave me feeling angry and hurt. Why am I not allowed to cook in my own kitchen? I always end up with the clearing up that is hardly fair?

Surprise, surprise (as Cilla would say) an argument then ensues.

Today I realised I was making a mistake

Just now, I was starting getting utensils and food out of the fridge to make some supper. There he was and my shoulder. The shimmy took place. I got on with my clearing up with a HUGE sigh. This time it dawned on me that actually we make an amazing team. Husband produces amazing food. I clear the kitchen so that, once we have finished eating the clearing away is a lot simpler and we have more time to enjoy our evening.

My role is just as important as his. In fact I would go as far to say that mine is MORE important as no one in the family wants to clear up after my husband has been in the kitchen (think storm Eunice). My contribution allows for more family time and less arguments about who is going to clean up.

Don’t Make this mistake in a relationship.

My part is very important. My thought though, made me believe I was anything other than. But it was just that, a belief. It was not true!

Do you have a thought error? Have you got a belief that is making your relationship difficult and you are unaware. Is the relationship at home or at work? Are you waiting for the other person to “change” as its all their fault? Are you making this mistake?

Let me help you uncover these pesky thought errors and beliefs that are holding you back. Come and book a discovery call with me at The Professionals Coach and we can shed light on these beliefs. You will be surprised how easy it is to make them disappear in a puff of smoke.