Are you making changes for a better life?

New years Resolutions- how are yours going?

We promise ourselves and loved ones we will be fitter, eat more healthily and sort out our job/career. Leaving work late and missing family commitments will be a thing of the past. Our energy will soar and enjoyment of life will be a daily occurrence. The stress will stop, and anxiety will be a thing of the past. The life we always wanted to have will turn up and everything will be rosy!

And here we are, mid- January – how far have you got? Has the new yoga or exercise regime started – and finished.

Have you eaten as much kale as you can muster and cannot face another bag?

Its still cold and dark in the morning and do you just want to hibernate?

In my experience, after New Years Resolutions there often follows disappointment, anger , self-pity and then worst of all ….. apathy.

Apathy

This is defined as “lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern.” Or another way of putting it is, indifference, and this is a state that will only lead to more misery. Therefore this feeling may keep you safe, but it will limit you, suffocate you, and it will steal away your dreams. If you are apathetic or indifferent to your situation there can be no change.

I will state it again, with apathy there can be NO CHANGE!

Jane was a client of mine. She hated the winter; hated feeling tired and her moods swung from anger and self-pity. As she did not have the life she wanted, she developed apathy and indifference and took no steps to change. She hated her job. Her boss was demanding, overbearing and was the definition of an autocratic leader. Jane had an ever-increasing workload with no support, in a job that no longer stimulated and excited her, and this was taking her away from her family.

Unbeknownst to her, she continued to dwell on an incident two years before. She had an interview for a promotion but she did not get the job. She wanted that job so badly. Someone else was doing her job. She did not realise that her ruminating was also holding her back. She was stuck in a job she hated and the most annoying issue for her was that she had to settle for less money and time with the family.

She wanted change, she wanted to make changes for a better life. 

At New Year she made her usual a commitment to go to the gym three times a week, lose the weight she’d promised herself she would lose last year, eat healthy meals (even if they were ready meals) and be there at her children’s activities 100%.

Did she manage to do this?

…. well for a few weeks yes and then what happened? You guessed it – she went back to what she had been doing up to New Years Day.

I was once like Jane, looking in all the wrong places for answers that were actually already within me.  Could she be you too?

Choices and Opportunities

However, Jane woke up and made a smart move and decided that she needed to get some help in order to change. Her work-life balance had to change. She was looking for anything or anyone that could help her and she believed a mentor could help negotiate the “old boys network” at work. Next time, the promotion would be hers. Google could not find her a mentor but brought her to coaching instead and she decided to give it a whirl. She was not sure that coaching was going to help. In her desperation she contacted me and we started our work together.

Emphatically, what became obvious to Jane though the coaching that so many of the issues WERE solvable and she needed some time and space to consider options and take action. Coaching was supporting her in her endeavours.

She had CHOICES and OPPORTUNITIES.

A better life was just in front of her- she only needed the courage to reach out and grab it. She could change and she could make changes for a better life.  She just didn’t recognise it. The piece that was missing was that it was all down to her thinking. The solutions were there in her hands all along, she just couldn’t see them.

What happened next?

We worked together for five sessions and she realised that if she could manage her work-life better, she was sure her home life would improve. With some gentle feedback, giving her space, and “holding up the mirror” to her thoughts and expectations, she was able to see the choices she had, and make small, consistent changes that made all the difference.

Significantly, she started with small changes and at the beginning and end of the day she spent 30 minutes working out what the priorities were for that day and what could be left for the following day- sounds trivial doesn’t it but it literally started to change her working life. She also worked on her thoughts and attitudes along the way. With some gentle feedback, time and support she recognised that it was the ruminations over the failed interview that were holding her back from achieving the life she wanted.

As often happens, things then started to change. To put it another way there is a Buddhist proverb says “when the student is ready , the master appears”. When Jane was ready, she found another opportunity advertised and has now taken up another post that she is thriving in. I cannot say that I, or indeed coaching, conjured  up that job opportunity for her, but due to the coaching she was positive and confident and she made it obvious to the interview panel that she was the best candidate in her application and at interview. She was appointed to another position and has not looked back since!

There is an old Italian saying “New year, Old life” and is that true for you?

Do you have the dreaded apathy and indifference, not knowing where to turn…?

Let me show you how your story can change, one step at a time. You CAN MOVE FORWARD and no kale needed! With a bit of thought work and consistency and compassion you too can look to the future with hope and excitement. Contact Me